Although this post may not interest anyone, I wrote it all the same. You see I like to look back at my year toward the end of the year.
2016 has been a pretty bad year for me, and I think in general for quite a lot of people. However, in this post, I'm going to look at the positives in the year too since there were also many of those in 2016.
First off, January was a good month. I started working at Knox Academy for the first time, a school I'd always wanted to work at. I really enjoyed working here, as much even as at Ross High School where I'd been working before. I was doing something I really loved voluntarily every week twice a week. Fourth-year of university was also one of the best years I ever had at university. My courses were really great and it looked like I was on target to get a first-class degree too. However, the loss of the amazing David Bowie was quite a big shock to the world. Then just four days later one of my favourite actors, Alan Rickman (Harry Potter, Love Actually, Die Hard etc.) passed away too. And let's not forget Sir Terry Wogan who since I was a child had been doing so many great things for charity, in particular Children in Need.
February came along soon and it was one of the worst months of my life. I was told on the 15th of February that my MRI results were bad and that I needed to get surgery. Towards the end of February, I went through a bunch of tests. I was also turned down for teacher training by two of the three universities I applied for.
At the start of March a biopsy showed that there was nothing to worry about. But the surgery did damage me, I had headaches for days on end and huge pains in my head over and over again. I also worried about how I was going to complete my degree. Admittedly, by the end of March, the plan was in place to help me finish my degree and I was on route to getting it again. Also in March, Ronnie Balfour Corbett passed away,
April was not much better for me, I spent most of that month recovering from surgery. Although towards the end of April I did go back to teaching. I also finished my dissertation in April.
In May I submitted and presented my honours year poster, marking the end of my time at university. Towards the end of May, I got an interview for the University of Strathclyde for teacher training. The interview and presentation I had to deliver went very well and both of the two members of staff said that I was perfect for teacher training. As soon as I got the conditional acceptance from them, I went ahead and phoned up the college I was going to go to for catching up on my Higher English I needed to pass the conditional requirements of the university. Even after phoning them just two days before where they had plenty of space they had completely run out. This meant I had a conditional acceptance that I could never meet the condition of. However, on the 30th of May, the degree classifications for Computer Science were released. I was amazed to see that I had a First Class degree. It was honestly one of the most amazing feelings ever!
June was a good month, perhaps the best of the year. A few days after the degree classifications were announced our grades for our fourth year second semester and dissertations were released. I got 7 As and 1 B for my fourth year, and 82% for my dissertation. A couple of days later I was emailed by my mentor congratulating me but also asking me if I'd be interested in a PhD. Without thinking about it too much, I said "I'd be interested in a PhD so long as it matches what I'm interested in". I considered it a backup plan but also something I would have wanted to do at some point in my life anyway if I didn't get into teaching. I also went ahead and started applying for jobs in the industry, just in case, although at that time (and things have changed now) my heart wasn't really hugely set on a job in the industry. I graduated on the 21st of June 2016 and it was one of the best, yet saddest days, of my life - I saw a lot of my friends for the very last time but we were celebrating. Also on the 21st of June, I was told I would not be able to get into teacher training without Higher English and was given all the evidence to prove it. On the 29th of June, I was officially accepted onto the PhD I had applied for.
July was another month of relaxing for me, and of course my birthday. I had a good July, admittedly too relaxed but I spent a large amount of time working on BalfBlog and improving it, with version 2.1 being launched towards the end of July. However, I also was told that the house I had the deposit on was now completely possible since the mortgage I had applied to was now possible too.
August was another month of relaxing, and a week away up in Perthshire as always. It was an exciting month for me because I knew that I would be starting my PhD in a few weeks.
September was obviously the month I started my PhD. It started off very quiet, I did really know what I was doing. I felt quite lost. At the end of the first week, I seemed to feel like I was part of it however, with my supervisor treating me to lunch and explaining how the first week always feels like that. Week 2 of my PhD and I was helping at my first ever conference. I really enjoyed this, plus I got to see inside the new gym at the university. The conference allowed me to see just how these things work and how they benefit the subjects of the research so greatly, with many of them praising the work of the researchers. I also met two really good friends in September; Lewis and Ana, who have both been very supportive of me over the last few months and I couldn't have stayed without the two of them (it'd have been very boring). I also began lab helping again, something I thoroughly enjoy doing
In October I was diagnosed with a form of dyslexia (which I have obviously obtained from my treatment, which is what my doctor also believes also), which explains why I have difficulty reading for long periods of time (though this may have just been attributed to general brain fog). Dyslexia has not affected me in a huge way, since I can still write, spell and read, it just makes it more difficult for me to concentrate on reading for long periods of time. However, finding out that what I originally thought was true was very discouraging for my PhD. On top of that, there was a nightmare and disaster going on around me, since there was a huge problem with one of my friends. I'm not going to explain it for obvious reasons, but it had a huge effect on me. For the first time in 2016, I was actually feeling depressed again. However, there were still some good things in October, with the Computer Science department celebrating 50 years, and a fantastic dinner and lovely evening (where I got to meet Alex Balfour, the man who brought the first Computer Science degree to Scotland at Heriot-Watt).
In November I felt I had to go back to my bank to double-check on the mortgage. To my disappointment, the bank had now changed their mind and was not prepared to give me the mortgage they had been able to get me before. My PhD, paying in a net salary, was not enough for the house any more. As a result, I started to get bad feelings and felt that this house was too good an opportunity for me to miss and that I need to think about myself rather than what others think for the first time. This house means a lot to me, and I may never get another attempt at such a good offer again, so I have to pursue it. On top of that, I felt really down because of the situation in October and felt like the PhD was no longer for me. After discussions with my parents, friends and a few others, I decided to stay with the PhD but apply to jobs. I made a promise that if none of the 20 jobs I applied to wanted me, I would stick with the PhD. I think a lot of that worry about the PhD did stem from the fact that I began to think about what I was doing and whether I could stick for the four years that I was being told it would take (when I applied it was 3).
December was a good month to start, with me feeling a lot more motivated about my PhD and getting on with it again. I got my scan results on the 7th and they were good again. I was also phoned by the bank to tell me that would be able to offer me a mortgage, but I'd need to increase my deposit by £3,000. However, on the 12th of December, I got a seriously bad spell of a little bug. This bug meant I was unwell for a whole 2 weeks, and I actually had to go to the hospital at one point because it was so serious. I finally recovered fully and was eating again on the 21st of December. It didn't end there, however, because the bug had put me into depression, and perhaps the worst depression I had ever had. I just could not shake it. We also found that our lovely little hamster, Henry, had a couple of tumours and not long left to live. We were all devastated by this news. Christmas Day arrived and I was still not feeling great. I enjoyed Christmas as always, but it was perhaps the worst Christmas ever due to my depression. Sadly also on Christmas Day, George Michael, one of my mum's favourite singers, passed away. I really liked Wham myself so it was also very upsetting for me. On the 27th I went away for a night up north and it seriously fixed me. Just that one night away was enough to get rid of my depression this time and so I was cured. And here we are now. The end of the year. At the moment I am not working and not doing anything but relaxing and, as I do every year at this time, completing The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask once again.
I'm hoping 2017 will be a much better year, and as I once said, the odd years are always much better than the even ones for me. I cannot see myself doing my PhD much longer since things have got very fraught between other people in the department and I'm always the one picking up the pieces.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas 2016! I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas 2016! Here are some Christmassy pictures for you to enjoy (all stock and royalty free, but thanks to the people who made them)!
Just remember the real message behind Christmas, and don't forget what Christmas is really all about!
Today I graduated! This is the happiest day of my life and I'm so very proud of what I have achieved to this day!
Back in 1997, when I was aged 6, I got my first computer. I quickly learned the ins and outs of it and was very into writing my own stuff and really enjoyed writing stories. As I was using my computer more and more I took an interest in how it works. By age 9, I was very interested in computer hardware and how they worked.
In my first year at high school, I realised that I was really good at working with computers and people were coming to me for computer help more and more (including my teachers). It was then that I decided I want to do something related to computers. I always knew I wanted to go to university so I put two and two together and in 2009 I applied to several universities to study computer science with Heriot-Watt being my top choice. I was accepted and my course began in 2012.
My time at Heriot-Watt university has had its ups and downs and I've needed support from time to time. At Heriot-Watt support is always there for those who ask. I had a friendly bunch of lecturers who were always on your side and there to help.
I'd like to thank everyone who has helped me at Heriot-Watt but I'd like to specifically thank a few people including Lorriane Vallance, Dr Tessa Berg, Dr Helen Hastie, Professor Rob Pooley, Professor Andrew Ireland, Dr Fiona McNeill, Dr Jenny Coady, Dr Santiago Chumbe and Professor Greg Michaelson. I'd also like to thank Professor Judy Robertson and Dr Sandy Louchart for their support in my first to third years, who have since moved to other universities.
I'd also like to thank my friends and classmates, particularly Jonathan, Merlin, Mark and Sharang who stuck with me through thick and thin in the last year, as without them I would not be celebrating this day.
To me personally, there is no greater sense of achievement than what I have now achieved! I've finally finished my four long but fun years at Heriot-Watt University and have recently learned that I have achieved a First Class Honours degree.
I cannot tell you in words how proud I am to have achieved this!
I also posted this to Twitter:
I'd like to also congratulate all my friends and thank them for supporting me through this time! I really couldn't have done this without all the support from them.
On the subject of support, I also must thank my lecturers for their support as well, since there is absolutely no way I could have done this without them.
My poster is finished. This means I have done all of the work other than presenting my poster and I have finished all of my uni work. :-)
I now feel epic and that I can finally relax! Thank you to everyone who has supported me throughout my time at university.
I'm finally done with my dissertation and whilst the last few months have been a disaster for my health (well, technically not, it's been more of a disaster for the NHS and messing up their own diagnosis), my dissertation is, in my eyes, one of the greatest things I have ever produced! I'm nearly finished my degree too so I can have a relaxing few weeks to recover from everything and get back to a bit of stress-free normal life.
2015 was generally a really good year for me.
First of all, third year of university, I managed to get 6 Bs and 2 As, which is good enough for me and I achieved an average of 67% (if this average continued I'd be en route for a second class honours, although a first-class honours is not impossible either).
My fourth year at university started out good, and I got several good marks back; 86% for one coursework, 74% (part one of my dissertation) for another and then 70% for another. The rest of my courses seem to have gone well too, so we'll see what happens with them.
This year, I was also formally asked if I wanted to become a lab helper in one of my favourite courses involving one of my favourite aspects of computer science in a course called Web design and Databases. I've always wanted to be a lab helper, so this is a great opportunity for me.
On top of this, I finally got the opportunity to work in school as a teacher as part of one of my university courses. This has been one of, if not the, greatest experiences of my life. I am thoroughly enjoying this.
As a result of one of the courses I did in this year of university, I also improved my own programming language, finally bringing an end to BlackRabbit Script and replacing it with my new Zenith Language. Most of my free time this year has been spent on the Zenith Parsing Engine (or Zengin) and now it has become one of the most, if not the most, important projects I work on now. In March I started ZPE and then it was restarted in May with a proper compiler.
In terms of my website, I would say it has been at it's best since I started. This year I focused on reducing the size of my JavaScript files and CSS files and I managed to reduce over 30KB of data. On top of that, I managed to reduce the amount of HTML produced on mobile devices using a PHP library called Mobile Detect. I also finally made the decision to stop tweaking the design of my website in September after I changed the sidebar. The vast majority of the website has remained consistent since then. One major change did happen after that, however, with the change from my inconsistent curved style to a much flatter design. One example of this is what I call my pill inputs:
The new 'pills' design that came to my website was all about creating a flatter look.
2015 was also a very successful year for my website. Across the whole year, 1,940 users have visited my website and over 40,000 pages have been visited. Of all visitors, 1,940 of the pages visited are also by new visitors. As well as this, Zengin has been downloaded some 500 times since May!
My tutorials featured on my website also got recognised by the online tutorial maker Udemy. They claimed to really like my website and the tutorials that I have written.
I also brought my own menu to my website, called JBBar, a free and open-source menu bar that can be downloaded from my website. This replaces the jQuery Smartmenus menu that came with a lot of extra baggage.
As well as this, I created my first website for a business, which went very smoothly and has been named very 'innovative' by many. In fact, I'm so proud of that website that it also backwards inspired my own website.
JBlogs also got a huge upgrade, becoming object-oriented and easier to use. Not only that, but a lot of security issues were patched and the design became more flexible to other websites. It took me less than an hour to put JBlogs on to a Bootstrap themed website (more on that in the new year) and it integrated pretty perfectly. JBlogs also became more efficient than it was at the end of 2015 as a result of this new design.
I also managed to achieve one whole year of being a pescatarian in September this year - something I'm very proud of!
Just before I finish, I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has been there for me this year, particularly when I've had problems! The main people this year are my good friends Jonathan, Mark and Merlin, who have made this year much easier for me! I'd also like to thank Rob and Helen (lecturers) for convincing me to stay and helping me feel up again! Of course, I cannot forget to mention all of the other people at university, who have also always been there for me.
So that's another year almost over. 2015 was generally a great year. Now let's hope 2016 is also a great year!
After serving power (and heat) for 46 years, Cockenzie power station came to the end of it's service life as coal fired power station on the 15th of March 2013 at 8.30am. Since then, the people of East Lothian have been awaiting it's demolition and today on Saturday the 26th of September 2015, the landmark chimney stacks finally came down.
But it was not to everyone's liking. I personally miss it already. It was someone's architectural idea and some team's work in building it.
In my eyes though, because of my concern for the environment, the closure was a wonderful thing.
I'd have liked the towers to have remained as a monument but that was never going to happen.
It's also sad that I really wanted to tour the power station before it went but it is long too late now!
Below is my YouTube video of the chimney stacks and turbine hall coming down:
This is only the third time I have used Java (ie twice last week at university) and I have now cracked it. I am now remembering my semi-colons and braces that make up the Java language syntax.
I must say I have noticed my work getting better as I just created a simple program to get each pixel in an image and invert the colour of it. The image is specified as an argument to the application and it runs through the application and saves it. I am very impressed with my progress and this makes a fourth programming language that I have learned.
Well, I am going to place this here to say how brilliant my 21st birthday party was - both of them! So thanks to my friends and family for attending! Both parties were truly a success and I have to thank my mother for this. However, the past few days have been incredibly difficult for our family as it splits and tears even further.
I am really scared about my dad as he is drinking more than ever, and it's scary. My mum is very upset and there is not much I can do, but she needs to bear in mind, I am still recovering from a serious difficulty in my life, and I need her to be strong for me, I really do.
I do not know where this is going but I do know that I have been quite depressed for quite a while now, and it's not doing me much good when they argue. But then again, they argue every day that they see each other, but they are too scared to do anything about it.
My life is being swayed from side to side like a ship in the ocean, as my parents will not stop their bickering. I want to one day become independent, but I can not do that yet and I am sick of hiding behind a mask and saying everything is alright, whilst I run away from it all. Something needs to be done soon, otherwise, I am not going to make that recovery that I need.
And just to let you know, I am still physically and mentally very weak, and I am still struggling with depression. But it's getting worse, as my father drinks more and my mother cannot cope with it.
The advantages however are that I do not drink, and I do not hang on to things that I do not need - learning from his mistakes. My life for 15 odd years has been living in a house full of hoardings - stuff that is barely ever used - where churning is a regular activity that we all have to do four or five times a year because my father cannot get rid of anything, and where arguing is the essence of our family. It does not stop and it makes me do things I would not normally do like get angry with people and run away without telling anyone. I am sick of this, and to that end, I am now considering leaving for good and never coming back to them. It seems like that is really the only option I have to recover - to become self-dependent, although I should have someone caring for me, my weekends are what leave me like this through the week.
It is now 01:00 in the morning, and I am still typing, despite being exhausted earlier, I cannot sleep. This is always the case on Monday and Tuesday evenings, and it comes because of the weekend before - and it is an example of bad depression affecting me. My dreams are nightmares most of the time - ones where my friends are the people that hate me, my dad drinking and my parents arguing. I cannot go on like this. It is way too scary.
Anyway, I am going to try to sleep. And I hope for no more bad dreams. This blog post has helped me to conclude what it is that has been troubling me since about the middle of my life. I have finally got it out there for all to read.
